The GIR Report: Tangerines
by ZoologyKaM
Summary: GIR gives his report on a fight he had with a well trained Irken soldier. Occurs after Return to Irk. GIR PoV. This is a remake of this story. The first version was better but not accepted by the site. Enjoy!


_Hey guys this is a one shot. In my story Return to Irk, Gir ends up being used as a distraction which results in him fighting one really baddass Irken futher ducker. There really aren't any spoilers in this if you were worried. Even saying that this occurs after the story isn't a spoiler cause all it says is none of the main characters died in my story. Doesn't say how it ended. _

_[update] This is version 2 of Gir's Tangerine. Apperently my first version was too much like a script. Though other than the repetitive 'Zim said' 'Dib said' there really isn't much other way to write exactly what a character is seeing. I really think their rules of no script should be reviewed. A script is still fiction. Maybe they should make a choice to say 'this is written as a script' So that losers that refuse to read scripts can just avoid it. _

_Sorry but I liked how my story was written before. It doesn't seem as funny if you can't let the reader use a bit of their imagination to picture what's going on._

* * *

"HI SQUIRRLES! I'm GIR! Master says I need to report on my fight with that orange guy. SO HERE I GO! Everybody was real serious talking so I decided to go make waffles and then…"

Zim turned from his computer to the robot, "No GIR. After the planning meeting. When you fought the Special Task Force soldier at the gate."

"Oh yeaah… So anyway I made a whole bunch of the waffles cause that's the best way to make people smile! I saw it on the TV!"

Zim sighed "… Please Gir… We've been here for an hour… Just give your report…. "

Gir just stared at him with his usual stupid look on his face.

"Ok how about this I'll start it for you. We were on Irk and you were in the backpack. I opened it and told you to go deal with the STF Irken…"

"And then you told me to go play with the giant Tangerine!" Gir blurted out with his arms raised looking all excited.

"The what? What's a tangerine?"

"It's an earth fruit. Like a small Orange." Dib said from the spot on the floor where he was laying, staring up at the ceiling.

Zim gave him a bit of a questioning look but let it pass "…. Ok fine I told you to play with the tangerine… you ran off into the crowd then what?"

"Then I saw a Taco."

Zim raised an antenna, "a taco? Why was there a taco on Irk?

Gir just shrugged then excitedly screamed, "I chased it!"

"Chased the taco?"

Gir nodded.

Zim slammed his head onto computer panel. "Ok…Where did the taco go?"

Gir stood and looked around, "Uhhh… That way." He pointed up through the ceiling.

Dib chuckled when Zim slammed his face into the computer panel.

"No GIR…" Zim said sitting up again. "We're not on Irk. Which way did the taco go at the gate on Irk?"

Gir shrugged and ran in a small circle, loudly announcing, "I saw a shiny box. Master told me to make noise and Master is always noisy when he explodes!"

Lifting his head, Dib turned to face the silly robot and asked, "Always? Does this happen often?"

"Shut it Earth-stink… GIR what did you blow up?"

A projection came from Gir's eyes. An image of a short silver robot with a very square head was projected on the floor. Dib turned onto his stomach and stared at the image. "He blew up another robot?" The holographic robot from Gir's memory turned to face them.

"eh?… that kinda does look like a taco." Zim said staring at the hologram. Dib nodded his agreement. "Ok GIR what'd you do next?"

The little robot made a really happy face and went up onto his tip toes, or would have if he had toes, and said in a high pitched voice, "I told the taco I was gonna ezplode him. He made a BIG BOOM! Then a bunch of people came running over. They all stood in a circle around me. DANCING WEENIES!" GIR raised his arms up over his head and did some jazz hands.

"Weenies?" Dib raised an eyebrow, still staring at GIR from his spot on the floor. GIR nodded

"Dib! Stop distracting him!" Zim yelled as he typed out some things on the computer.

"Sorry." Dib rolled back over to stare at the ceiling again.

Still typing at the keyboard Zim addressed his hopeless robot, "Ok GIR what did the dancing weenies do?"

"They tried to make me ezplode but I stole their hats then there was a big energy zappy and lots of yelling!"

Sitting up again, Dib said, "That must be when the ED exploded and we broke through the gate."

Zim turned and hissed at the big headed human, "QUIET! I already guessed that. Go on GIR then what?"

"…"

"GIR! Stop staring at the squirrel and come away from the window!"

The robot's eyes went red after his master's command, "YES MY MASTER!" but right after he said this his eyes went back to their cyan blue and he slowly walked back into the room.

"Good. Now what…"

"I like squirrels."

Zim stared at the robot with contempt "… Yes I know GIR… what happened after the ED exploded?"

"Ooooohh that was when the Tangello came over." GIR said this in a matter-of-fact manner.

Dib sat up and turned to face the robot, "wait I thought he was a Tangerine…"

Gir turned and looked at Dib, "No this was a Tangelo. The Tangerine came later."

"There were two STF Irkens?"

"STOP INTURRUPTING HIM! WE'LL NEVER GET DONE! GIR! Then what!?"

Gir stared at his master for a moment then raised his arms again, "Then me and the Tangelo danced the samba. I started freestylin but he got jealous and tried to trip me. He ran at me but my worm was too fast and I got out of the way. He sounded like a taco when he hit the wall. Then the dancing weenies got back up and chased me around throwing taquitos at me! I like Taquitos. But the ones they threw were so hot I couldn't eat em."

Zim and Dib looked from the robot, to each other, and back to the robot. The Zim pirked an antenna "….so that's how you got the hole in your mouth…" Gir nodded.

Dib was getting into the story. He leaned in closer to the robot, "So what happened next?"

"SILENCE! I'M THE ONE THAT COMMANDS GIR!"

"Ok jeeze… go ahead."

"Thank you. Gir what happened next?"

Gir pulled his arms in close looking scaired, "Things got all Zappy and I hurt real bad! The Tangerine came and spit seeds at me! One hit my head and then I couldn't see no more."

"That accounts for the damage to your sensory circuits." Zim said. He typed this new information into the computer. "How did your leg get damaged?"

"Ohhh that was when the taco hit me with a stick."

"I thought you exploded the Taco…" Dib asked, thoroughly confused. GIR just nodded. Dib and Zim exchanged a look.

Cautiously Zim asked, "Was it the uhh… same taco?" Again GIR nodded. Zim looked back over at Dib who just shrugged.

Zim typed some more into the computer then turned back to the robot, "Well anyway lets go back to the ST… the Tangerine… he spit seeds then what?"

"Then he threw a squirrel at me!"

"Why would there… Nevermind… What did the… squirrel… look like?"

"Like a squirrel duh.."

Zim stared at GIR for a second then turned and smashed his head into the computer panel 3 times. A light shown down from the elevator hatch.

Kam's voice yelled down, "I thought you were doing reports. What's with all the pounding?"

Zim still had his face pressed down onto the panel so Dib laughed and responded. "It's nothing we're just getting GIR's accounts."

The tone of Kam's voice said she knew exactly why there was pounding, "Oh Ok." The light disappeared as the elevator hatch closed.

Gir stood there next to Dib staring towards the elevator. "I smell waffels."

Zim lifted his head off the panel, "No GIR you don't now let's finish this report… What did the squirrel do?"

The elevator hatch opened again, "Hey when will you guys be done? Dinner is almost ready."

Dib laughed as Zim slammed his head on the panel again. "Better hold it for a while," he said, "or Zim's gonna pop an antenna. "

"Ok." The hatch closed again.

Zim still had his face smooshed on the panel, clearly he was ready to give up on getting the whole report. Dib figured he would help out and turned to GIR and re-asked the question, "So, What did the squirrel do?"

GIR had been staring at Zim but he turned to Dib. "He ran around me and tied me up with his tail." Gir ran circles around Dib as if he was trying to demonstrate what the squirrel did, but while he did this he was saying, "Taco Taco Taco Taco"

Zim's face was still in the control panel but that didn't stop him from giving an annoyed order, "GIR! Stop running around!" GIR stopped and stood next to Dib.

Zim left his head resting on the panel but turned to make sure the little robot obeyed his orders, "Good. So you were tied up, then what did you do?"

GIR stood silently for a moment then raised his arms waved them wildly and screamed at the top of his little robotic lungs, "WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" He shot off with his jet boots and flew wildly around the room. Dib dove under a nearby chair. Zim jumped to his feet waving his arms.

"No GIR!" Zim yelled. "Land at once! ZIM COMMANDS YOU! OBEY YOUR MASTER!"

GIR looked sadly at the Irken then went and landed, "oh ok…"

"Crazy robot…" Dib muttered coming out from under the chair. As he did so he noticed a spot on his coat had caught fire. Zim and Gir stared at him as he franticly stamped it out.

Zim sighed and went back to the computer but didn't sit down. "Good GIR… Ok you flew around. Did you untie yourself doing that or just get more tangled?"

"Yes."

Zim perked an antenna. "Yes to what?"

"Yes."

"You untied yourself?"

"Yes… wait… No."

"You got more tangled?"

"Ummmm…. I forget." GIR pulled a rubber piggy out of his head and squeezed it.

Zim stared at the robot in annoyance and disbelief, "You forget!? How can you forget?!" GIR sqeezed his piggy then paused, then stared at Zim and shrugged. Zim stared blankly at GIR. He then sat down in front of the computer and smashed his head into the panel again.

Dib just ignoured him and sat down on the floor again, "What happened to the squirrel after you flew around?"

Gir smiled real big. "He gave the Tangerine a Biiiig Hug!"

Dib smiled and looked over at the frustrated alien. "There ya see? Calm down Zim. He flew around and tied up the Tangerin… I mean STF Irken. He's not totally incapable."

Zim turned his head to look at his friend. GIR's next words were a rude interruption, "The squirrel gave me a hug to." They both stared at him. Dib was the one to ask the question they were both thinking.

"At the same time?"

Gir nodded. Zim lifted his head only to turn it and smash it right back down again.

The elevator hatch opened up again. "Hey," Kam yelled down again, "do you guys want hot chocolate with your waffles?"

Dib stared at the elevator then turned and looked blankly at nothing in particular saying his thoughts out loud, "…that's such a weird combination"

"CHOCOLATE!" GIR squeelled with delight.

"So that's a yes for GIR and Dib. Zim?"

Zim didn't lift his head off the computer but did lift his hand and raised his voice so she would hear him say, "Yeah fine whatever…"

"Ok Well Dinners ready. You guys can finish the report later."

Dib looked between the elevator, Zim and GIR who was squeezing his rubber piggy, "Yeah ok. Ready GIR?"

GIR turned to look at Zim, his face is still smashed on the panel. The little robot walked closer and stared up at Zim. Zim cracked open one eye.

"What GIR… and stop pulling my pant leg."

GIR just held on to Zim's leg and kept staring up at him. Eventually Zim lifted up his head and looked down at his robot minion. He sighed, "Oh alright…"

A huge smile crossed GIR's face. He screamed, "WAFFLES!" and turned and started running away, still holding Zim's clothing.

"GIR! Wait!" Zim was dragged off his chair. "Oww! Let go of my leg GIR! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH."

"Then we all ate waffles and the squirrel and the Tangerine and the Tangello all flew away into the stars! The end! SALTED NUTS!" And GIR shot nutty goodness at all the people who were silly enough to read this whole fan fiction.


End file.
